As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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