When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
