Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
