I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
