I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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