you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
