I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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