I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
