did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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