hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
