I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
