and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
