this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
