I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
