I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
