Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
