I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize