I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
