I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
