I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
