haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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