well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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