You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize