you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
