Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
