I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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