If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
