Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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