So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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