I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize