You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
