On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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