Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
barbara walters just said penis...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
