I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
