Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
