8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
