I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's shark week go big or go home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
