I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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