I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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