Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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