I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
