whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
