I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
