Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
