So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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