Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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