I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
