so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
