I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
