Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
