Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
