I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize