I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
