they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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