alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
