I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize