i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
