I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
