me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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