i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
