i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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