I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize