I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
