mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
