I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
